Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Grumpiness turned to Tears

Oh where to begin?Donald came in from work grumpy at the kids again.I get so tired of this.It makes my day rough when the kids ask me why daddy won't spend time with them to do this or that.Then they ask why I let daddy come back.They often tell me they want it to be just me and them again.Then when Donald comes in with an attitude toward them and tell them to do something then he adds "and fast" it just pisses me off!I don't often use fowl launguage so please forgive me.So tonight instead of lettig him know how I felt I went to the boy's room and all the kids followed for some playstation time.We got a couple new Disney games inthe mail today so we wantd to try them out.Then I got the kids in bed and went to the couch and fell asleep.Donald woke me at midnight and asked if I was coming to bed.I got up and showered then sat down at the computer to finish unchecked emails.Then the girls got up to get a drink and use the bathroom and Ashley said "Kelsey wanted me to come with her because she was scared".When my kids are scared to even get up to get a drink or use the bathroom it bothers me ALOT!I finally made it to bed around 1am only to nearly doze off and be awakened with thoughts of my nephews.I instantly broke out in tears.I miss them so much.It's been over 2 years since I have seen the oldest 3 and over 1 year since seeing the baby.I guess laying there wondering if they are in a good home with lot's of love and good meals bothered me.The oldest John will be 6 years old on Janurary 7th at 5:36am.Austin will follow on Februrary 5th turning 5 years old.I want to see them so bad!Oh great here comes more crying.I'm just not sure how to handle the ache anymore.I know God has plans for them and will care for them and I can keep praying they have a happy childhood that will make them strong achiving adults.These boy's belong to my youngest sister which chose a man of no good over her babies!If she were sitting in my house right now I would get up and pop her a good one!I would release all my anger on her and let her know that I pray for her and that she is an adult and so she needs to act like one!It's almost my time of the month.You know the time when your best friend comes to visit for a week?Yeah that one!Maybe thats why I am grumpy and emotional.My boobs hurt tremendously and I'm certain it isen't growing pains!Here are some pics of my nephews.I did not take these.The adoptive mom gave a copy to my sister and so I scanned them so I could have a copy.John age 5,Austin age 4,Carlos age 2,and Junior age?.

Sorry about my ranting and raving but it has made me feel a little better.

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